Am I a bad person for feeling this way.

[Guitardude86]

Tetsuo! Akira!! Tetsuoooo!!!

Sorry about that, I couldn't help myself.. Akira is one of the coolest movies I've ever seen btw

[skorb]

Maybe she has teeth down there

:ROTF:

[El_Kabong]

Venomboy! Straight to detention. It's the first day of classes at my university and I am laughing like a lunatic in my office. Security should be here soon.

[Venomboy]

Glad I could be of offensive service to everyone!

I have 2 kids. I think they're wonderful. If you really want them and your current woman doesn't, then you have a problem.

Another thought: maybe the new chick's thingee is sideways!

[Razor]

Well, my two cents. If this is the person who will give you what you want in life then talk it over and see if she's willing to compromise for you. If she isn't, kick her to the curb. Ultimately, you have to do what is in the best interest of yourself.

My opinion from the start of the thread, you need to find another girlfriend.

Oh, by the way, you're not a bad person for feeling that way.

[fett]

You have three problems. You and your GF. You and her friend. You, your GF and her friend. If you don't play this right, you will be left with your right hand and Mr. Johnson. You are treading on thin ice. Come clean with your GF and tell her exactly what you need and want from the relationship. If she doesn't agree, break it off. Then cool your jets before you get too serious with her friend. 2 Shes + 1 He = A big mess.

[OnlineStageGear]

The problem is, with my career and her 3rd shift job we haven't been 'together' in a year or more and it's killing me.

Do you mean it's been a year since u had sex ?? I go nuts if it has been a week.

Matt

PS. Who am I kidding, I go nuts if it's been 3 days.....

[Adam]

I think I wandered into a problem that I can't fix on my own.

I've been with my GF for 8 years, she dosen't believe in marriage as she went that route before and it wasn't pretty. She's older than me and that's not a problem.

I've always been faithful and usually never even look around as I've been very comfortable with her.
The problem is, with my career and her 3rd shift job we haven't been 'together' in a year or more and it's killing me.

This weekend, I met a friend of her's who is closer to my age. She's been widowed for over a year and we really hit it off. I mean really, really.

Hit it off so well, that it scared me.
I kind of want to spend more time with her and perhaps start looking at a physicial relationship or more because of us having a better schedule and things were cool between us.

Last night I got really drunk trying to figure out what to do. I've never been a cheat and I have had it done to me before, of course I was supposed to marry that one.

I'm hungover, confused and don't know what to do.

At some point in my life, I want kids and my GF has already said NO. She had 1 and won't do it again.

I hope you women on the JCF don't think too bad of me. I'm asking for advise and I haven't done anything yet. Just thinking.

It sounds like you're trying to "do the right thing" by hanging on to a relationship that isn't working and hasn't really worked for a long time. I can appreciate your fortitude (even now in time of doubt) but you need to step back and try to look more objectively at your situation.

You're not doing your girlfriend or yourself any favors by sticking with it. You two want completely different things, and your lives aren't in synch with each other.

From your story, it seems like she thinks marriage / children are milestones she's already passed and, as you say, is unwilling to revisit. It's unfair of her to expect you to "catch up" to her life view just by virtue of your being with her. Marriage and children are things that most people want and should experience - they are valid and important aspects of life. Depriving yourself of those things for her benefit either out of loyalty or a sense of commitment can only end in resentment and, most likely, a very messy and painful break-up.

By the same token, it's unfair of you to stick with her when you know the improbability of you two having a happy and fulfilling future together. She deserves to be happy as much as you do. As you said, she's older than you, been married before, and has a kid. The simple fact is (and I would not say this to her if I were you): she is probably approaching the zenith of her dateability shelf-life, if you know what I mean. Her time would probably be better spent towards finding someone who shares her goals while she can. I am aware of how chauvanistic and cold that sounds, and I don't mean to imply that a woman can't be happy without a man, but our society being the way it is, certain things are self-evident. Sad but true.

A point to consider - why are you so adamant about honoring your boyfriend/girlfriend commitment to this woman while she is unwilling to commit to marriage with you?

I'm not telling you what to do (you're going to do what you're going to do anyway) - I can only tell you what I would do. These things are never easy and always more complex than we can explain to outsiders. But, it sounds like you already know what you want and are looking for some affirmation / a reality check to make sure you're not just thinking crazy. Here it is.

Good luck to you, man.

[lerxstcat]

Sex isn't everything, but no sex for a YEAR indicates a deeper problem. I think you're both unhappy if you aren't making time for sex at least once a week, even if it has been 8 years together. That and the difference over kids, and I think as much as you love her, you have a dealbreaker.

Do this honorably, and you may or may not go with the friend, but the chemistry with the friend just tells you you're alive when you've felt dead for a long time. I wouldn't veto going straight to the other woman just because they're friends, but I WOULD NOT cheat under any circumstance. It will demean and could ruin what might otherwise be a beautiful relationship.

Of course your future ex will probably decide to believe you cheated, whether you did or not. Don't waste any energy trying to dissuade her, she will need some anger to cope.

Many are saying work it out, and maybe you tell her once more that marriage and children are IN YOUR future, to give her one chance to change. But it sounds like your relationship has been all but over for a long time, man. It huirts to move on and yoy will probably always have some sort of feelings for her. But the thrill is gone and that usually doesn't come back. I'm sorry you're going through this, and you're not a bad person at all. Most persons would've boned her friend and justified it by being cut off for a year. I wouldn't do that but I don't know that I could condemn it either after a YEAR! If you've been grabbing her ass and trying to go for it and she's been tired or had a headache for a YEAR, then she has a deeper problem or is just comfortable too and doesn't really want you anymore.

You can't go on this way, make a decision and do things aboveboard. You'll feel better.

[horns666]

RESPECT is EVERYTHING..

You know the old cliche.."I still love you, but I'm not in love with you"..well that means you lost respect for that person..once you lose respect I don't care how much you "love" that person you'll never hold them the same light ..

The truth will set you free..it'll never bite you in the ass..and you can always remeber the truth!!

You'll never remember a lie..

Example ..never play a "role" when trying to impress a girl , because your true self will always surface..

Be yourself, it's easy to do and it never comes off as phony..

what would I do,.. talk to your girl, lay it down, then go from there..if you don't repsect your girl and if that feeling maybe mutual..do whatever you want without remorse or regret..because you really didn't lose anything..

If you respect your girl and she respects you, then act like it, and do what's right.

[OnlineStageGear]

Maybe you and your girl can do something to ignite the old flame. If not, maybe it's time to move on.

[horns666]

Maybe you and your girl can do something to ignite the old flame. If not, maybe it's time to move on.

YES, but only if that mutual respect is still there..if not..you're just lighting candles in the wind.

[toejam]

Dr. Phil?

[Cleveland Metal]

If you haven't "been with her" for over a year, that is not relationship...

[horns666]

If you haven't "been with her" for over a year, that is not relationship...

Bingo!, we got a winner!!

Dr Phil is a punk!