Am I a bad person for feeling this way.

[Flatpicker]

I think I wandered into a problem that I can't fix on my own.

I've been with my GF for 8 years, she dosen't believe in marriage as she went that route before and it wasn't pretty. She's older than me and that's not a problem.

I've always been faithful and usually never even look around as I've been very comfortable with her.
The problem is, with my career and her 3rd shift job we haven't been 'together' in a year or more and it's killing me.

This weekend, I met a friend of her's who is closer to my age. She's been widowed for over a year and we really hit it off. I mean really, really.

Hit it off so well, that it scared me.
I kind of want to spend more time with her and perhaps start looking at a physicial relationship or more because of us having a better schedule and things were cool between us.

Last night I got really drunk trying to figure out what to do. I've never been a cheat and I have had it done to me before, of course I was supposed to marry that one.

I'm hungover, confused and don't know what to do.

At some point in my life, I want kids and my GF has already said NO. She had 1 and won't do it again.

I hope you women on the JCF don't think too bad of me. I'm asking for advise and I haven't done anything yet. Just thinking.

[GodOfRhythm]

Think bad of you?! Not at all! This is the first step.

Confront your GF with your feelings, get her final view on things and if she still answers in the same way and is totally unpersuasive and not budging, decide to split up.

No point in clinging on for the sake of clinging on.

[Tetsuo]

First and foremost you need to address the situation with your girlfriend. If you haven't been together for a year not really a good relationship and you may need to move on but don't by any means just cheat on her without addressing the situation. That is my humble opinon.

[StukaJU87]

Think bad of you?! Not at all! This is the first step.

Confront your GF with your feelings, get her final view on things and if she still answers in the same way and is totally unpersuasive and not budging, decide to split up.

No point in clinging on for the sake of clinging on.

I 2nd this.

Be truthful with your gf BEFORE you go any further with her friend.

[danastas]

I've had two best friends in your situation. We had long talks about it over beer. My advice was similar to the posts above mine. Talk it out, tell the truth, if the relationship isn't going the way you want it to, end it even if it's painful. #1, you have to make yourself happy. It's no good being miserable in a relationship.

In both cases, my friends agreed with my advice, and said it was the right thing to do. In both cases, my friends didn't take my advice and stuck it out in the relationship. I know why. It's human nature. We try to defer pain. It's about self-preservation, fear of the unknown.

Ultimately, no matter what advice you get, I bet you go with whatever feels right to you in that moment, even if it may not be the best thing for you long term.

My friends stuck it out, became miserable, and broke up anyway a long while later.

[neilli]

Talk to your girlfriend, but there's no point beating a dead horse.....

[Venomboy]

Don't cheat. If the relationship doesn't work, get the hell out of it. There's too many unhappy people sticking around in bad relationships. Life is way too short.

If you really love your current girlfriend, try to work it out. Sounds like you haven't gotten any booty from her in a year. Uh, dude, that's sooooooooo not right. I don't care what hours anyone works, there's always a few minutes for a little WA-POW.

Don't leave her specifically for the other girl. The grass is always greener. Maybe she has teeth down there and her ass smells. You never know. Leave because it's not working. Then pursue other venues.

[circle of the tyrants]

Sounds like she's already laid down the ground rules for your relationship, but there's always room for open discussion. Besides, maybe she'll change her tune if she sees that you're considering exploring other avenues.

[Guitardude86]

Maybe she has teeth down there and her ass smells.

YUCK! For fucks sake man, that's gross!:ROTF:

[charvelguy]

Even if you end your relationship with your present.. its a little sticky and suspect to pick up a romantic interest right away with her friend. Which could destroy their relationship as well.
Not to say your stuck but... this definitely isn't as easy as it may seem.

The proper thing to do would be to end the present relationship first..

[Joe_Steeler]

I do not think bad of you at all for having this feelings.
You have to think about yourself as well and if she is not fulfilling all of your needs and those are pretty tall ones (kids and togetherness), then you have a decision to make.
Talk to her honestly and put the issues in front of her. If she only wants it her way and does not give in to yours, trust me you do not want to be there.

Your sense of loyalty is commendable.
I do not want to sound like doomsayer here and I am sure you know this but trust no one. Can't trust your GF, can't trust your wife, can't trust your siblings and can't trust your parents. Yes, I said it. If it isn't one thing would be the other, but everyone has a trigger for fucking you in the back over.

Take care of yourself and while sensitive to your significant over, take CARE of yourself.

[HuntinDoug]

I've been hapily married for 18 years. Never cheated....never will. I've had my chances though. My wife and I "shacked-up" for 5 years before we decided to tie the knot. I'm no marriage counselor, but I will say this. Getting drunk and thinking about your "possibilities" is not a good move. Drinking just throws a persons inhabitions out the window. You could end up saying, or doing something you regret. If you go as far as to cheat with this new girl, she will always have the mindset that you could cheat on her. Besides...Cheaters never prosper.

Ask yourself this: Do I want to be married? Do I want to have kids, and if so, how important are they to me? Do I love my current girlfriend enough to give up the idea of marriage and/or children?

I hope things work out for you Bro....

[slayer32390]

yup definately try to work things out with your present GF before you start going out with her friend. BTW what part of rhode island are you from?

[hammer84]

I would sit down and talk to the GF like others have said BUT don't count on her friend to be there when it over. You need to end a relationship becuse it has ran its course NOT becuse you have another one waiting in the wings. You will be just setting yourself up for a fall.

[Tetsuo]

^ oh yeah for sure... Oh and if you need to have a back up relationship to make a move and breakup then maybe you need to work on yourself and not be in a relationship for a little while.