Another Saturday night, another gig...

[Blazer]

Well as i stated before Slavantas played the Ramrock rock festival at Ramsel Belgium with our former guitarist Metal Andy taking our Current guitaist Jack T.'s place for a one-off performance because of family ...err... concerns.

Anyway, this performance promised it all, a full venue, chicks, new fans and free food.

That would have certainly been the case if not for the fact that we were to play at five during which the only audience we had were the other bands and the festival crew. Only after seven was the venue filled to the brim.

As for the chicks, they were there but only after nine o clock, the bands who played at those times got plenty of attention from the female gender backstage but since they never saw us play, we were completely ignored.

New fans only included several members of the other bands that saw us play, since the majority of the audience that arrived later never even saw us, we didn't sell any copies of our CD to them.

As for the free food, only bagels and salad, prompting me and our drummer "Caveman" to go into town and get Pizzas.

We didn't play badly, our performance was hampered by bad stage monitors that kept on shorting out but we were troopers just soldering on.

But again we played for a nearly empty room.

[horns666]

Empty Rooooom....again?!!

Slavantas has more talent than the Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Van Halen, Metallica, Elvis Presley, Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin combined!!!!

Jack T smokes hacks like Gary Moore, Uli Jon Roth, Jason Becker, Greg Howe and especially assholes like myself. Caveman can hang with Terry Bozzio, Dave Lombardo, on their best day!!

I don't know what the problem is..:think:

What about Label interest? I'm surprised Nuclear Blast, Century Media, Metal Blade hasn't snatched you up! :think:

:idea:Maybe it's the name. People may not know what a Slavanta is...or can't pronounce it. Maybe a more obvious Metal name.. like ..ummm ..oh.. Psychosphere, Politicide, or Necropolis..something that REALLY grabs dicks by the tits and shouts.."We are metal gods..fuckface!!!".

That's what I think!!!

Bill Z Bub

[SEEGERMANY]

[horns666]

Mark, Ya see what I'm saying?! These guys cock out with their rocks out..and hard!! I watched their vids over and over..I'm a fan!! I would got o every single Slavanta show if I was in that location.

In fact I think You and I should go to their next Belgium show. You KNOW I need a vacation. I think You, Tommy, Me, Ron, Jack, Spike, Jay, Endy, Gary and everyone @ Casa Del Fuggens should arrange to go see Blazer ..Jack T...Caveman..and the gang will rock so hard...our balls will be in our socks!!!

We will buy beers ALL night..and party 'till we puke!!

That would be awesome!!

[VitaminG]

my balls are already in my socks. It's not some macho thing - it's just how I roll

[SEEGERMANY]

There's got to be some way we could "write off" the trip. Call it a JCF fact finding mission. Maybe get the Health Dept to send us over with the instructions to fuck every diseased pig we see! If nothing else, we could represent the US as goodwill ambassadors since we're such a likable group of old fucks!

[VitaminG]

Health Dept? You entrust the health of your citizens to the govt?!

[Grandturk]

So, uh, Bill... what is a "slavanta" anyway?

[jgcable]

So, uh, Bill... what is a "slavanta" anyway?

I think its a polish dumpling

[jgcable]

Well as i stated before Slavantas played the Ramrock rock festival at Ramsel Belgium with our former guitarist Metal Andy taking our Current guitaist Jack T.'s place for a one-off performance because of family ...err... concerns.

Anyway, this performance promised it all, a full venue, chicks, new fans and free food.

That would have certainly been the case if not for the fact that we were to play at five during which the only audience we had were the other bands and the festival crew. Only after seven was the venue filled to the brim.

As for the chicks, they were there but only after nine o clock, the bands who played at those times got plenty of attention from the female gender backstage but since they never saw us play, we were completely ignored.

New fans only included several members of the other bands that saw us play, since the majority of the audience that arrived later never even saw us, we didn't sell any copies of our CD to them.

As for the free food, only bagels and salad, prompting me and our drummer "Caveman" to go into town and get Pizzas.

We didn't play badly, our performance was hampered by bad stage monitors that kept on shorting out but we were troopers just soldering on.

But again we played for a nearly empty room.

Thats called a sound check gig.
A sound check gig is when the soundguy uses a live band to set up the PA.
At least you got bagels.
Now.. regarding the chicks. A REAL musician doesn't need to be onstage to get chicks so thats no excuse bro.

[horns666]

Yeah, it was like a good rehearsal with an inept sound man and terrible monitors. those are good test runs..

John G is right man!!! You don't need a band to get chicks. You just have to be a semi- decent lookin', cocky, obnoxious, asshole that says "fuck" every 1.5 seconds. Chicks dig that!!! They like confidence...and it helps if your a dago!! Maybe change your name too. I have a great name for you!!!....Ada Bollapasta, people will love that! Show confidence, talk with your hands alot, keep grabbin' at your groin, and whenever talkin' with a girl, stare at her tits!! Make absolutely NO eye contact. If she asks you WTF your lookin' at, simply say, "Your awesome tits..I wanna suggem". She will be putty in her hands , or you'll be putty in hers..that's your choice!

Bagels?? Yeah man..fat, drunk chicks LOVE bagels!! Here's whatcha do. Stack as many bagels as you can on your schwance. Start slow, try to get two on there. I get about 6 or 7 on mine..and let 'em eat right off the stick. But ya gotta shave your balls man, or else they're gonna gag on a hair and sound like Donald Duck while trying to get a curly stuck on the back of their tongue like a popcorn kernel. I know this from experience. So you must learn form us. Guys like John G, SeeGee, Endy, Tommy, Rsmacker..and most of our JCF bruthas can confirm this. I mean who are you gonna believe Jack T..or us? Jack T's is NOT getting poon, and he plays rockin' guitar...See what I'm sayin'

Ask anyone here..I'm right. It's ALL about confidence. Talk to girls like your talkin' to one of the guys. Make 'em laugh..if you can make 'em laugh...BINGO!

I'm going to try and help you man!! I have faith in you. At first I didn't , but now..I'm on a mission. From now on your dick is my dick!!

Amen!!

[horns666]

So, uh, Bill... what is a "slavanta" anyway?

Exactly...I googled it and got this..

"Salvantas de mea peki, Saving me from my sins, Mea pekajo naturo. My sinful nature. Kande vu venos a me, When will you come to me, Sinioro mea, mea omno! ...:think:

[Blazer]

So, uh, Bill... what is a "slavanta" anyway?

Why did you ask him? You'd never get a serious reply.

"Slavantas" was the Roman Centurion who founded the oldest surviving Dutch City which was then called "Mosae Trajectum" and is now called "Maastricht" and from that city our band hails.

A small replica of what Mosea Trajectum looked like. Parts of the wall and the complete bridge still survive in modern day Maastricht.




Also the sole mountainous range of the Netherlands, "Slavante" is also named after him.

[horns666]

That looks EXACTLY like my house!!!

[horns666]

I was VERY serious of my advice on how to get the poon!