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The Last Legion - possibly the worst movie of 2007

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  • The Last Legion - possibly the worst movie of 2007

    I watched this piece of dreck last night. Here's a rundown:

    Atrocious story line/screenplay.
    Horrible dialogue.
    Horrendous acting.
    Pathetic special effects and props.
    Lousy musical score.
    Awful makeup and wardrobe.
    Ludicrously bad directing.
    Terrible casting.

    The plot is basically a prequel to the King Arthur story. A young roman boy who is to become the next emperor, along with his teacher, is kidnapped by Goths, subsequently rescued by his guards, and carted off to England for safety. They run into the last Roman legion, and have a big battle with a bunch of semi-retarded baddies led by a silly looking dude with a gold mask. They win! Yay!

    In the last 5 minutes of the movie, you find out the young Roman boy is the father of King Arthur, and his teacher is Merlin. Yeah right.

    You never find out the significance of the silly guy with the gold mask, even though Merlin has flashbacks about him throughout the movie. Most of the Romans don't look remotely Italian. In fact, one of them is a big black guy. All of the dialogue is spoken in a rushed mumbling way, like a school kid doing a speech in front of his class. The castles all look like they're made of styrofoam. Merlin's beard is so obviously glued on, and in one scene looks purple. The fight scenes are laughably bad.

    Despite having some very respected, well know actors such as Ben Kingsley, the movie is overall an atrocious waste of time and money.

    The ONLY good thing about the movie is Indian actress Aishwarya Rai, who is sexy as all fuck.
    Sleep!!, That's where I'm a viking!!

    http://www.myspace.com/grindhouseadtheband

  • #2
    In case you've never heard of her...
    Last edited by zeegler; 01-24-2008, 09:56 AM.
    Sleep!!, That's where I'm a viking!!

    http://www.myspace.com/grindhouseadtheband

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    • #3
      http://aishwarya-rai.topwomen.org/ ah yes indeed

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      • #4
        Didn't she get in major trouble when George Clooney kissed her?
        Scott

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        • #5
          I always thought that the father of Arthur was Uthar Pendragon.
          Don't sound very Roman to me.

          Admittedly, everything I know about King Arthur was learned from Excalibur and Monty Python and The Holy Grail.....

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          • #6
            Thanks for the review. I won't be seeing that now.

            If you're looking for a really good movie, I Am Legend (Will Smith) is one to see!
            I feel my soul go cold... only the dead are smiling.

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            • #7
              Actually, my wife and I watched "The Hunting Party" last night and it was way better than I expected it to be. Highly recommended rental.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Spivonious View Post
                Didn't she get in major trouble when George Clooney kissed her?
                Different girl.
                Come and get one in the yarbles, if you have any yarbles, you yunick jelly thou!

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Snoogans View Post
                  I always thought that the father of Arthur was Uthar Pendragon.
                  Don't sound very Roman to me.

                  Admittedly, everything I know about King Arthur was learned from Excalibur and Monty Python and The Holy Grail.....
                  Well, yes, they explain that in the film. He changed his name from Romulus Caesar to Uther Pendragon.


                  Monty Python's Holy Grail is really the only King Arthur movie anyone needs to see.
                  Sleep!!, That's where I'm a viking!!

                  http://www.myspace.com/grindhouseadtheband

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by toejam View Post
                    Thanks for the review. I won't be seeing that now.

                    If you're looking for a really good movie, I Am Legend (Will Smith) is one to see!
                    +1. I Am Legend is very, very good...
                    I'm angry because you're stupid

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                    • #11
                      I really enjoyed Sweeny Todd, very gory for a musical though the blood was painfully fake And Johnny Depp was a better singer than I thought he would be. Worth seeing if even if you dont like musicals IMO.

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                      • #12
                        Sweeney Todd is a masterpiece.

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                        • #13
                          I found this gem at the video store: Man From Earth

                          don't expect any action, it's mostly dialogue. requires bong for maximum enjoyment. like the twilight zone on steroids.
                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eKgPY1adc0A

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Spivonious View Post
                            Didn't she get in major trouble when George Clooney kissed her?

                            You are thinking of Roland Rat's sidekick, Kevin the Gerbil.

                            So, this King Arthur film, do the Americans save the day in it by any chance, by pushing the bungling stuffy Britons to one side whilst their maverick warriors, (featuring Samuel Motherfucking L. Jackson along with some pumped up steroid-bound ex-wrestlers, not forgetting the uncompromising hard-as-nails, yet-underneath-it-all-surprisingly-tender-and-mourning-the-loss-of-her-family-wiped-out-by-some-chinless-braying-Brit-in-his-chariot-whilst-he-flees-a-battle-looking-for-a-tea-shop-Mexican Kung Fu chick that no-one has ever heard of. Oh, and Jeff Goldblum as a nice Jew) thoroughly trounce the evil Romans, the leader of whom has only one bollock and a funny moustache?
                            No? Oh, must be another one then.

                            And you are all talking bollocks, the only King Arthur film worth watching is the one where a 25 yr-old Helen Mirren gets her unfeasibly firm, yet totally natural ginormous knockers out and dances around naked. Absolutely outstanding and first class. I have an Excalibur sticking out of my pants as we speak, just thinking about it.

                            (Yep, pooed myself again. Ah well....)
                            So I woke up,rolled over and who was lying next to me? Only Bonnie Langford!

                            I nearly broke her back

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                            • #15
                              Speaking of Sweeney Todd , the movie. I listened to a review on NPR. The story was one I knew nothing about. The stage musical the same. And then those bastards just didn't compare the musical with the movie, they gave the whole fucking plot away. What's the point in seeing it now?
                              I am a true ass set to this board.

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