Mentaly ill parents

[Donovan]

This was a lovely Thanksgiving. I took a plate of turkey day stuff over to my Dad's house this evening, and now I'd like to kill myself. My Dad has been steadily losing friends and anyone who was in his life for quite some time now mostly because of his negativity and anger. His appearance has suffered for quite some time now as well, I won’t go into detail but it’s to where other people have noticed. His wife moved out of the house about 5 months ago to get an apartment. So this Thanksgiving he isolated himself by pissing everyone off and scaring people by the way he acts, and was asked not to show up for dinner. Anyway I went to the house and knocked on the door several times then called the house. The message on the phone says “I’ll never answer the phone so leave a message or get out of my life.” So I decide to check the door and it’s open and I go in. My Dad finally hears me and gets off the couch dressed VERY inappropriately, and the house is in absolute shambles. It’s to the point that it looks like vagrants have been living there. The outside doors are open there’s spider webs all over, there’s paper and bags everywhere, food all over the counter and half eaten cans of food etc. I mean really bad not just messy but mentally ill person type unhealthy destroyed. The place looks abandoned from the outside as well. So my Dad’s got no friends, and all his family has died, my asshole brother couldn’t be bothered to lift a finger to do jack shit. I couldn’t even look my dad in the face and I had to just leave as fast as I could. He really needs some help. Obviously mental health help, but I don’t know where to start or even how I’m going to bring this up to my dad. I really feel that I should just have him declared a hazard to himself as he’s talked about suicide before, but then he’ll be locked up and lose the house most likely. I’m really lost here. My dad was a school teacher for 40 + years and … well he’s my dad so this really hurts me to see his life go down like this.

[jeff300]

Talk to a social worker for advice. They'll know what to do. You're not going to find the answer to this one on a guitar forum.

Though if you take this advice, maybe you just did.

I hope it works out.

[bonghits]

+1. Being a school teacher for 40+ years, he has definitely served the public and I'm hoping that he will accept the help that he needs so he can enjoy the rest of his life. Good luck man.

[levantin]

Really sorry to hear that. Best of luck.

[St.James]

Just be careful if you decide to contact a government agency or something. There's a big difference between a private facility and state run. Their agenda is totally different than yours.

[Alvin_Wilson]

+1. Being a school teacher for 40+ years, he has definitely served the public and I'm hoping that he will accept the help that he needs so he can enjoy the rest of his life. Good luck man.

+2...and be sure to tell your Dad that you love him and tell him how much he means to you. I hope everything gets better for your father.


Alvin

[stevieb91]

First of all I commend your ability to set the friction your father has caused aside and bring him Thanksgiving dinner.

You'll have to really put your foot in it to get the help he needs,and it will take quite some time.Above and beyond all,stick to your guns,and let your brother stew in his own pot.

[lerxstcat]

You should try to get some help for your dad, but bear in mind the more invasive that help is, the more responsible for your dad you become. If you think he's a danger to himself you may need to have him involuntarily committed, but once in getting him out could be very hard, and he might lose everything while he's in. Are you ready and willing to take him in when/if he gets out of the asylum? It might be that or the street.

Just make sure that he has good insurance and that his bills can be paid even if he goes into a facility for awhile. You will probably have to get a power of attorney and effectively become his guardian to be able to get things done on his behalf.

[Rich#6]

You definitely need to get him some help. My wife and I are going through something similar with her grandmother. She has dementia. Hopefully he has taken measures ahead of time and gotten POA of assets and for Medical that would make things so much easier. Get a social worker to his house and have them see what they can do or the best thing to do is see if he will see a doctor on his own. He may just need some medication. My brother is also schizophrenic so I know I little about that also. Yes it may get costly , but its better to have him still around.

[UFORocks]

Just be careful if you decide to contact a government agency or something. There's a big difference between a private facility and state run. Their agenda is totally different than yours.

+1 on that bro. Both my parents work at a state mental facility, and believe me, its nothing more than a prison without bars. Patients get into fights on a pretty regular basis, and some of them get hurt pretty damn bad.

Try counseling, therapists, a day program, anti-depressants, anything you can before you commit him to a state facility.

Later,

Steve

[jjw]

old age will come too all of us.Your best bet is to get him some home help to (unless you can find the time)tidy the place up a bit.My last remaining grandparent is in his 80's and has a helper come in daily to keep things running smoothly and a local taxi company ferry him around and bill my old man once a month.lol.No matter what goes down family stick together and sort things out-sounds like you need to get him out the house with some extended family outings.ANyway all the best,and good luck

[Predator1]

Hey, Please take note of these symptoms. I am not a doctor but I have seen first hand the end result of behavior like this. These were the earliest signs of TIA's(Trans Ischemic Attacks) mini strokes that occured in a close family member. The damage that they do is basicly unnoticable until a major stroke hits. I have been dealing with the end result(dementia) for the past 6 years it has been devastating. The only way to know for sure is to have a CAT Scan. I would suggest a visit to a nueroligist as soon as possible.

[horns666]

Easy fix man..at least to get him to get a psyche evaluation..

I did that all the time..get a probate warrant on him for medical attention..it's not that hard..explain what you said here..and the police will take him to get help..you could be there too..he'll prolly be mad at you for doing that, but it's for his own good...he'll get over it...what's he going to do get "mad"..?

BTW..with the warrant..he's going to go if he wants to or not..even if he puts up a struggle..but he'll be OK..get going on that...he won't get into any kind of trouble..it's medical puposes only..nothing criminal..even if he does "fight".

Then you will make a "Crisis Intervention" report..contact the police and do that...it's a very routine assignment.

It sounds like he'll refuse any medical attentuon at this time being a angry recluse and all..

I used to serve these warrant several times a week for years..no biggie really...pretty simple really.

Bill Z

[Cleveland Metal]

Easy to say Bro... But, he does have to keep what Rich said in mind as well...

You should try to get some help for your dad, but bear in mind the more invasive that help is, the more responsible for your dad you become. If you think he's a danger to himself you may need to have him involuntarily committed, but once in getting him out could be very hard, and he might lose everything while he's in. Are you ready and willing to take him in when/if he gets out of the asylum? It might be that or the street.

Just make sure that he has good insurance and that his bills can be paid even if he goes into a facility for awhile. You will probably have to get a power of attorney and effectively become his guardian to be able to get things done on his behalf.

[Donovan]

Easy fix man..at least to get him to get a psyche evaluation..

I did that all the time..get a probate warrant on him for medical attention..it's not that hard..explain what you said here..and the police will take him to get help..you could be there too..he'll prolly be mad at you for doing that, but it's for his own good...he'll get over it...what's he going to do get "mad"..?

BTW..with the warrant..he's going to go if he wants to or not..even if he puts up a struggle..but he'll be OK..get going on that...he won't get into any kind of trouble..it's medical puposes only..nothing criminal..even if he does "fight".

Then you will make a "Crisis Intervention" report..contact the police and do that...it's a very routine assignment.

It sounds like he'll refuse any medical attentuon at this time being a angry recluse and all..

I used to serve these warrant several times a week for years..no biggie really...pretty simple really.

Bill Z

One of my concerns is that he's got some guns in the house too. I have most of them but he's got about 10 or so. What I DON'T want to happen is for them to take the guns and then I have to fight to county to get them back.........agian. Some are a bit unlegal in CA.