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Dog and Cat Diaries

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  • Dog and Cat Diaries

    I thought this was funny...


    The Dog's Diary
    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
    12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
    5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



    The Cat's Diary
    Day 983 of my captivity.
    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
    hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
    rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
    keep up my strength.
    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
    In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I
    had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
    demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending
    comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
    placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
    could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement
    was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how
    to use it to my advantage.
    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
    this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
    snitches.
    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and
    seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
    The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
    guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
    have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
    safe.
    For now
    THIS SPACE FOR RENT

  • #2
    Funny!...I hate cats!

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    • #3
      so freakin true!
      You can't play no muthfuggin' arpeggios on a tuba...

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      • #4
        :ROTF: That is great. Oh, and I love my cat AND my dog.
        Scott
        Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright, that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong.

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        • #5
          blody awesome !!
          Say, I smell bacon.Does anyone else smell bacon?
          Yeah, I definitely smell a pork product of some type.

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          • #6
            LOL..very true.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by StukaJU87 View Post
              :ROTF: That is great. Oh, and I love my cat AND my dog.
              +1

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              • #8
                this is hilarious, particularly the cat part.
                my lady cat is a major bitch and hates us all, she is planning our deaths, i know it.

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                • #9
                  If the killing of small animals is a show of power my cats are megalomaniacs. Last night one of killed a small garden snake which was odd given the time of year. We have had to throw out dead and almost dead birds, snakes, lizards, mice, rats and that doesnt include the dead squirrels and possums that we caught them trying to bring into the house. Those two bitches are vicious.

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                  • #10
                    The cat sounds a lot like Stewie of Family Guy.
                    I wish my hair-color was EDS :/

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                    • #11
                      That pretty much nails dogs vs cats and also, strangely enough, men vs women.
                      Scott

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                      • #12
                        that was awsome,
                        jackson dx10
                        charvel avenger
                        schecter c1 classic
                        samick tr2 sg clone
                        fender twin amp.
                        abunch of stomp boxes

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Norton View Post
                          The cat sounds a lot like Stewie of Family Guy.
                          Yes...that is what I was thinking!

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